Romance is generally complicated because it simultaneously involves such different parts of a person. It can (and should) involve both our most basic sexual instincts and our most selfless love. The romantic charade is supposed to begin with some assumed spiritual and social compatibility, follow a socially acceptable dalliance, and turn into some complicated emotional connection. In more pithy times this mess of things was known as ‘honorable intentions.’ Presumably the sexual attraction follows. But sex and emotions are so thoroughly mixed up that I’m uncertain about distinguishing so easily. It’s like trying to separate a jalapeño from its flavor. Anyhow, if one tries to ignite romance with more base desires, it generally doesn’t work. People do fall in love because they have had sex, but in those circumstances it is unlikely that the love is selfless. Selfless love is hard enough to practice in the best of circumstances, and it is generally not inspired by selfish behavior.

In one of his books, C.S. Lewis says something about Hell not being able to understand Heaven, the low cannot understand the high, though the high can look down and see lowly things quite clearly. But the psyche of the human being is immensely complicated and so what appears to be low is not always quite so straightforward. For this reason, lots of stories get written about men falling in love with prostitutes. There is something appealing in the story of a man conceding to his basest desires, a man who can suddenly see the humanity of the prostitutes, a man whose better instincts transform his sin into something redemptive. I postulate that we like these stories – unrealistic and unlikely as they may be – because they offer some hopeful picture of human nature. But that sort of love, the sort that is strong enough to be a redemptive force, generally takes an act of the will. It’s not brought about even by very keen emotions.

The Christian story is of God redeeming the prostitute, Israel. He did not have to overcome a selfish impulse to love the sin-filled nation. And so we do not have to believe that the good bits in us are capable of overcome the sin for us to have a hopeful picture of humanity. But we often act as though we believe this were true. And in a way, this attitude carries on towards our view of the spiritual.

Spirituality, like romance, is complicated because it too involves such different parts of a person, primarily the intellect and emotions. The real question is which ought to come first. It is much clearer in romance. How high of an instinct are our emotions? (Should there even be a hierarchy?) Is it okay to read scripture or pray in hope of an emotionally rewarding experience? In this instance I think it is helpful to parallel marriage and spirituality, not only because marriage supposed to be a picture of Christ and the church, but because any discussion of spirituality can become frustratingly abstract.

Unless there are physiological reasons, something about a celibate marriage sounds very wrong. But a marriage based solely on sexual attraction is disastrous. In the same way, spirituality without emotion is odd, but faith based solely on emotions is disastrous. But marriage is not a union of Platonic souls and faith is not simply a matter of reasonable intellect. Often it seems that we attempt to draw people into the emotional reality of faith before drawing them into the theological reality. Dry theology is not appealing. But I must ask: Do we prostitute emotions? Do we hope that people will experience some supernatural feeling and then the theology and commitment will follow.

My freshman year at Gordon we sang this Lifehouse song, “Everything,” in chapel. I love that song. I love the emotions it conjures up. And it is a song about God. But it does not have much theological depth. I mostly like the way it makes me feel. I enjoyed singing it three years ago. But I would probably not enjoy singing it now. Conjuring emotions is easy. You can watch “The Notebook” if you feel like crying. Or you could chop an onion. But emotions are not negligible either. Some element of physical attraction is necessary for marriage and some amount of emotional connection is necessary for belief. So then we must foster environments where emotions are not excluded from worship, while also taking care that emotions are not manipulated. ‘Manipulation’ is a rather strong word. Communication is always fragile and so we want to create places where worship feels natural. But there is a line between experiencing something good that leads us into an emotion, and creating experiences that lead us to emotions. I don’t think that emotion will lead anyone to God anymore than the beauty of nature will lead someone to God.